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funny. before im not into making friends to my ex-lovers, horrible or not the break up was, I am just not comfortable with not just the idea but the whole scenario of how you'd deal with things with your ex now that your not together.
amazing. I am now having a smooth friendly relationship with my former lovers. im pretty much having a good time with what i was choking then. what has happened to me? i dunno either.
well to give you a slight glimpse of my relationship history. i had one girlfriend back in high school, one boyfriend in during college, and another one after that.
the girlfriend wasn't that tough, maybe one or both of us decided not to talk about separating ways. and that is also what i'd like to do on my story with her. enough.
my first boyfriend, whew, i paused huh. after a deep catch of breath i still don’t know how to blast it all up. after we broke up i had a hard time. man my heart was broken. i was the one who decided to leave the room of dreams, but then again it didn't felt good leaving. i cried and cried till even my sweat glands connected to my eyes to fill me up with tears to drop. and i thought im never gonna be friends with him. i cant. that was then when i still have deep feelings for him and i still long to be with him. there's no way we'd be friends, until i ate my words.
the second guy. i just decided to stop the relationship early. it's for his sake, as i rationalize the way of it. well it is. im not gonna contemplate on it here more into bits. let's just say, what i did to him and me was what i have learned from my past relationship. it's the way of the world for me. i don’t want mistake redundancies. it's awful. and please don’t slap me by telling that maybe i didn't love him. i did. i love him. that's why i made my move and didn't make him choose between his career and me. he didn't get that at first for sure, until after a few months we sat up on it and talked about it much finer.
i am at peace now. no baggage of past break ups. no nights of lamenting 'how is he now' or 'is he thinking about me' big time. now we're back on track. we still do what we do back then when we're still together, drop the sexual act. im not committed to them but i'd be more helpful in any way i can.
am i still in love with them? sure i am. but now im more comfortable of what we have.
the loving never stops. despite people leave, the loving stays. it's what connects me to them. it's what makes me look back and learn.
why wont i make a move to win one back? will i accept them if they try to return and win me back on their arms again? im happy and contented with what we have right now. time and again if God allows, why not.
leaving a person or a person leaving you doesn't say they're not in love with you anymore; it's just that one has got to move on.
harsh to say one has to be left behind for the other to move to some things better. it may not be the exact words on our mind but it's the catch. on the start of it we won't understand, but we will.
sometimes we don’t need to be committed in order to love. that's my way of the ex, loving them and letting them be free.
jan's blah blah @
11:48 PM
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