0 blatant me

"i'm like milk, i'll do your body good."
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this is me. well, not that much.

blatant me
my share of psychosis to the world. bite me.
Thursday, August 26, 2004

sight for sore minds
on my way home last night while riding a jeepney there’s this two women gossiping about their insensible associate and its splurge on money, ending with none on her pocket. and then one said “hindi kase makuntento eh”.
as to my own accepted wisdom, when I become contented, I stop. there’s nothing more to ask and have because I feel contented with what I got, and at that state I believe there’s no greater satisfaction than what I just had. and when i'm not contented I do further to fill in my requirements. this is when I feel the need to get more out of things. or sometimes I pray to God to ask.
but in a world full of challenges, heartbreaks, and chances with too many options, do we need to be bounded?
as the friendly mw dictionary says: to be content is to appease the desires of oneself; to limit oneself in requirements, desires, or actions; it is a feeling or manifesting satisfaction with one’s
possessions, status, or situation.

in life, we work hard for the money. and if earning for one job isn’t enough, we ought to find other means like getting an extra work (‘raket’, as we fondly call it) to be paid extra or trying our entrepreneurship skills for putting up a small business to grow money or just performing advance eyeing up an upper level position and a salary raise. some rob banks and pawnshops to get a hold of huge amount of money; others have the sense of comfort living trouble-free. often we compare our living conditions with others and then forget our own standards.
we carry out acts more than enough. it’s like the need of swallowing a sword than just making milk disappear on a tumbler. after belting high notes out like mimicking a bird by trying to break glass, a standing ovation with a round of applause is much more enjoyable to receive than just applause. in the case of limitless possibilities, we strive more. yet, we suffer, and it breaks our heart. we have this thinking that in order to be on top we have to accept all opportunities and be always competitive. and if we don’t, we assume to have the worst life and we live in failure. it’s not healthy. sometimes passing up an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity is a way of not complicating your life.
when it comes to love we look for perfect partners (which is very unlikely to have, bless you) just to have a perfect relationship (again, bless you). people jumps from one relationship to another for the reasons of not being satisfied with their past lovers, claims of being neglected, telling stories of horror not living happily together after all. delight, even if it’s not perfect.
we question others about their capacities and we happen to oversee our own incapacities. as unsatisfied customers of the market, we fall. and standing up after a fall won’t matter at all if we keep on doing the things that made us fall. yes, leap and the net will appear, the net metaphors as friends. however, we should recognize the fact that friends won’t be there for us too long. they have their own troubles too. in the end it’s still you that resolves it all. live and learn. while somehow our relationships make us who we are, in more than many ways we make our relationships. we compose the magic out of it.
it’s not your business to make an impact to anyone. identify and look after the healthy boundaries that you need. appreciate what you have. be familiar with yourself over again and revert to the unique purpose and aspirations of your heart and find happiness. if you are happy, you are contented.

jan's blah blah @ 4:39 PM

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Tuesday, August 24, 2004

tropical hot flushes
Despite the wanting of keeping this stuff to myself, my odd nature still kicks in and thus I decided to post this piece that I wrote last summer, which discloses a morning of exploration and exploit…HA!

it's the usual friday-night-come-let's-watch-a-movie-and-having-nothing-else-to-do-why-not-kill-time-till-the-sun-freaks-us-out-at-6750 scenario.

but this time the sun didn't gazed at us as flowers at the park. before 2am, Edwin raising his white flag up, we decided to bow out the night. Edwin and Marck went on their way home, weird-haired Ghelo digged his home alone, Albert and i befriended the restive roads of Makati.

but before leaving the spot, the exercise of hankers after coveted individuals were brought into play.

a lean-muscled man on a grey sleeveless shirt started the tease. or should i say we we're teased by means of not teasing us. and a far glance wasn't a satisfaction, thus led us checking out the product on a strict buyer approach (no market relations happened). which led us to another merchandise, a stocky tall man that knows how to fight back using his eyes; and another merchandise, a corporate entity whom you could always say 'yes' for every favour asked. like the three kings, they could offer different tickles on your different fancies.

right then after two units of blessing walking under the observing moon crossed our path. though i didn't have the break to look longer, Albert said it's another feast of a view.

with stomachs rumbling, us lost in translation decided to make a stop at a small food lodge. there another piece of good fortune dashed us. only if the food on our plates could tell the cook they're uncared for.

this time it's a foreign meal. well-sculptured face stands tall with his jacket on. we stick our eyes on the object like gorging him all through.

acting as satisfied customers we helped ourselves out of the food station. right away a v-shaped brown skin on black shirt bumped us, leaving us biting our cigarettes to thin. oh what a dessert, we speak. not only this food station fed our appetites but also our craving for skin. though it seems that only our eyes took pleasure from it, it is all right to the bones indeed!

we crossed the bare street reaching a Minimart to buy bread for breakfast. beside the store is a Chinese dim sum hall. assorted beauties of women eating and chatting inside, nothing huge speaks of.

strolling along, we observed another Chinese food hall on our way. there we saw another fragility. seems the wind caught us on our weakness, or there's a 'gwapo' convention and apparently no one told us about. a mannish delight at large! even if the exhibit is sitting, we could tell how much enjoyable he is. just by taking him back as an image to my senses my nerves wreck me to pieces.

taxicabs run here and there but none got our attention. going home doesn't show a green light on us now. while both of us are still grasping the somewhat dream sequence, four men stood up 'bout 2-3 meters from our right. we say their cute, but we also say, not. after all the chaps that made us exhausted by just mere looking at them, these men beside us we'd say 'no thanks'.

one of them picked a cab, followed by another one minutes after. by simple mathematics you'd agree with me that 2 of them are left. they walked in front of us, the chubby sports a curly hair and the second is attractive. aye! he is attractive! a few steps after passing Albert and me he looked back! boy he looked back at us!

then they paused, and we're still eyes puffed up on him. and he smiled back! a little longer his companion on twisted hair waved his hand and a taxicab pulled over, they went inside, the cab made a u-turn. and he made his turn too! he leaned over the back shield glass, coining a beamy smile. he was like even saying something, coz his lips are clapping, and for what it is only him and God knows. but then again...

what an enchanting dawn it was!

this may not be useful to you folks. the intention is just to share. for comments and suggestions, type REACT and send to 818.

jan's blah blah @ 3:03 PM

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Wednesday, August 11, 2004

chasing rainbows
i went here but i don’t know what to write about. i feel like i'm gonna be sick. i feel down and low as if the sun pulled me when he moved on the other side of the globe. the slackness of my thoughts is killing me.

most of the time today i stared to nothingness. i’m dead bored. i hate ordinary days.

i can’t bear a regular soul. i need amusement, at least once in a while if not time to time. the merriment of life i dig.

and yes i’m living a simple life. but i am not plain. more i can offer. ask, dont expect.

you can rely on me. i'd tell you what to do but i wont show you how. i'd let you marvel me, and yourself.

i am not disciplined. i can say my life's not in order. but don’t gratify yourself this early. delaying gratification is a discipline.

i do things for acceptance. i'd like people to recognize me. i love attention. makes me feel whole when acknowledged. and it's not healthy. there are times of pain.

but you wont know when i’m in pain. aches have no place in my time.

i can't choose between loving myself more than anything and loving others more than myself. at times i carry out things for other people even if i'll be ill with it. now and again i carry out things for myself and let others be ill with it, and then i'd be ill with it. perhaps i’m ill fated.

i don’t know where i’m going here.

it's late. i need to get home.

jan's blah blah @ 8:28 PM

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