0 blatant me

"i'm like milk, i'll do your body good."
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this is me. well, not that much.

blatant me
my share of psychosis to the world. bite me.
Monday, October 31, 2005

dubious mind doodles
I don’t know how am I going to start with this but I think I’m bursting with thoughts so I’m going start it however anyway…and then I paused coz I have to think of what to write. Silly.
Ah yes. The past few days I was contemplating on the idea of me having an older brother. You know I have two sisters and I’m the only son, the youngest of three. But what if I had a brother older than me? Would it complicate my life? Would have we shared on girlfriends or some guy thoughts like hitting this and ditching that and how good we are on basketball or how godly we are during sex? And one heavy sigh came out. I wonder if he’d hit me right in the face because of my finesse moves and girly nature. Can I tell him I have a crush on his boy-next-door best friend or even with just the new boy living next door with us? I’m not sure. I have guy cousins and my sexuality hasn’t been a problem to them. Neither my father tried to cut my throat because I’m gay. I just marvel myself with the thought. All questions rolled in and still I cannot conceive a brother immaculately.

And so the phone rang and another uncertainty pounded my heart. It’s him. The ‘him’ that I go nuts about. I’m all too excited and too anxious at the same time of what made you call me. I think I should stop now.
Oh yeah I hope you know how I delicate I become when it comes to you. How thankful to God am I when you’re presence is into me. How my soul dances for you. But perhaps I have to cut the music short.
You now have a new girlfriend and you said it’s just okay. Is that good news to me or what? Well I have to give you the credit for remembering me and telling me a turn in your life. You said you’re still testing waters and not yet sure if you feel love with her. Should I feel better now? Hah!
You’re just like an enticing apple I can’t bite on. I’d love too but I’m afraid to know the truth about you and me. I’d rather let you tempt me and excite me than gobble you up and be gone in an instant.
And hey, I enjoyed the tête-à-tête. It’s wonderful to hear you laugh when we talk. And I sense your smiles within your words. Now I don't know if I can bring it to an end. Now I’m not sure again. Freaking thoughts. The trouble with contemplating is that you’re trying to drop one thing ending you can’t.
Good night. I’d be waiting for your presence (text mesg, call, or in the flesh) again. And so you said, I shouldn’t be uneasy waiting for my man, coz he just might be anywhere near me. Aren’t you near me?

At kung may kuya nga ako, magustuhan ka kaya niya para saken? Ewan.

jan's blah blah @ 1:34 AM

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Saturday, October 22, 2005

awe
DEMENTED

Can’t recall how it all started
All I got is your face on my mind
How your smiles all blinded me
All I see now is you.

Will you take me along with you
As you soar skies and sail seas
You don’t have to promise anything
Just say yes.

I’m all alone
Daydreaming just by myself
Then you came along and swept me
Off my feet, into your arms

Will you offer me you heart
It would blow my mind you know
But still if you can’t
Just kiss me.

===

VISION

Someday in my life
Someone would ask me my love
My love that is forever
It will be here whenever
It would shine through nights and days

Somewhere along my way
Someone would ask me to stay
A man who’d hold me tight
And protect me with all his might
And I would never leave him

Sometime in this lifetime
My heart will be filled with love
Till it burst and embrace his existence
I will wait for the day
I will wait for the man

jan's blah blah @ 5:33 PM

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Tuesday, October 18, 2005

sweet soul
LOVE

Carry me home
It’s all dirt here outside
I haven’t eaten since
I don’t know when
Keep me warm

Make me satisfied
With all the dishes you could make
Let me use your tub
So I could clean myself again
I need a new me

Give me a name
‘love’ is fine.

---

KEEP ME

You entered my room
And you asked for some water
I offered you love
You gave me a smile

You asked for my help
And said you were lonely
I mended your broken heart
and you smiled

You wanted me to join you
And so I was there
I wanted you to speak to me
But you just smiled

When will you tell me
Words I wanted to hear?
When will you use words to amuse me?
Until when will I wait?

jan's blah blah @ 1:14 PM

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Tuesday, October 04, 2005

with you or on my own again
Love not offered is not love denied. Now why am I stating this? I don’t know. Perhaps gives me reassurance of how I feel. And I don’t want to end this. Not now, not ever. Well maybe time comes I’d end it or somehow I’d turn to someone else. But I’m saying not yet, not this time.

I’ve always wanted to feel your lips. And the eclectic strokes of skin to skin as we meet excite me every time. Each time we speak I always tell you how thankful I am on meeting you, seeing you, knowing you, the way that you make me feel. You only respond on smiles. Your eyes, its piercing stares leave me powerless. I don't know how you do it but you do it perfectly as i melt. I enjoy everything little event we had. I just hope as it ends it goes on with the days. But it can’t be that way I guess. Hope is all I carry. I guess by now you know how I feel for you.

I know it’s not healthy for me to think of you all the time. Morning, noon, night you wouldn’t leave me. And I’m enjoying it, you know. It’s just that I’m like in a fantasy that could end up on a nightmare. Moments are eating me alive; to think that they are all in the past. And it’s futile to wait. To wait for the day you’d reach my hand and offer me perpetual happiness is ill. Foolish to love you, much more if I’d linger on the time it’d happen. Still why am I waiting? Because it’s like I am dreaming. And in dreams I’m with you. Dreaming believes. Gives me faith.

Last weekend you asked me to celebrate your birthday with you. Of course I said yes without faltering. Who am I to say no? I had a truly great time. Thanks very much. Glad to meet your family. Hope to drop in on your home again.

jan's blah blah @ 5:56 PM

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Monday, October 03, 2005

hallucination
i'd like to have more of these
but i can't ask
'cos i'm afraid it would
cost me my life and happiness
you are life and happiness

i've always wanted to tell you things
many things of me and you
but just your smile
and hello takes care of me enough
contentment is you

to prove to you that i love you is easy
what's hard is to ask you to be mine
on my own you are mine, here inside
you'd always stay
loving is you.

jan's blah blah @ 11:40 AM

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