dubious mind doodles
I don’t know how am I going to start with this but I think I’m bursting with thoughts so I’m going start it however anyway…and then I paused coz I have to think of what to write. Silly.
Ah yes. The past few days I was contemplating on the idea of me having an older brother. You know I have two sisters and I’m the only son, the youngest of three. But what if I had a brother older than me? Would it complicate my life? Would have we shared on girlfriends or some guy thoughts like hitting this and ditching that and how good we are on basketball or how godly we are during sex? And one heavy sigh came out. I wonder if he’d hit me right in the face because of my finesse moves and girly nature. Can I tell him I have a crush on his boy-next-door best friend or even with just the new boy living next door with us? I’m not sure. I have guy cousins and my sexuality hasn’t been a problem to them. Neither my father tried to cut my throat because I’m gay. I just marvel myself with the thought. All questions rolled in and still I cannot conceive a brother immaculately.
And so the phone rang and another uncertainty pounded my heart. It’s him. The ‘him’ that I go nuts about. I’m all too excited and too anxious at the same time of what made you call me. I think I should stop now.
Oh yeah I hope you know how I delicate I become when it comes to you. How thankful to God am I when you’re presence is into me. How my soul dances for you. But perhaps I have to cut the music short.
You now have a new girlfriend and you said it’s just okay. Is that good news to me or what? Well I have to give you the credit for remembering me and telling me a turn in your life. You said you’re still testing waters and not yet sure if you feel love with her. Should I feel better now? Hah!
You’re just like an enticing apple I can’t bite on. I’d love too but I’m afraid to know the truth about you and me. I’d rather let you tempt me and excite me than gobble you up and be gone in an instant.
And hey, I enjoyed the tête-à-tête. It’s wonderful to hear you laugh when we talk. And I sense your smiles within your words. Now I don't know if I can bring it to an end. Now I’m not sure again. Freaking thoughts. The trouble with contemplating is that you’re trying to drop one thing ending you can’t.
Good night. I’d be waiting for your presence (text mesg, call, or in the flesh) again. And so you said, I shouldn’t be uneasy waiting for my man, coz he just might be anywhere near me. Aren’t you near me?
At kung may kuya nga ako, magustuhan ka kaya niya para saken? Ewan.
jan's blah blah @
1:34 AM
1 Comments:
be positive
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