chasing rainbows
i went here but i don’t know what to write about. i feel like i'm gonna be sick. i feel down and low as if the sun pulled me when he moved on the other side of the globe. the slackness of my thoughts is killing me.
most of the time today i stared to nothingness. i’m dead bored. i hate ordinary days.
i can’t bear a regular soul. i need amusement, at least once in a while if not time to time. the merriment of life i dig.
and yes i’m living a simple life. but i am not plain. more i can offer. ask, dont expect.
you can rely on me. i'd tell you what to do but i wont show you how. i'd let you marvel me, and yourself.
i am not disciplined. i can say my life's not in order. but don’t gratify yourself this early. delaying gratification is a discipline.
i do things for acceptance. i'd like people to recognize me. i love attention. makes me feel whole when acknowledged. and it's not healthy. there are times of pain.
but you wont know when i’m in pain. aches have no place in my time.
i can't choose between loving myself more than anything and loving others more than myself. at times i carry out things for other people even if i'll be ill with it. now and again i carry out things for myself and let others be ill with it, and then i'd be ill with it. perhaps i’m ill fated.
i don’t know where i’m going here.
it's late. i need to get home.
jan's blah blah @
8:28 PM
<< Home