0 blatant me

"i'm like milk, i'll do your body good."
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this is me. well, not that much.

blatant me
my share of psychosis to the world. bite me.
Saturday, March 26, 2005

not quite sure about it
When you’re single, there are these three things you think of more than once in a while: on how you enjoy your free damn free life, reminisce about your past loves, and try not to argue with yourself on why you’re still single. And then I chose to dwell on the second one, thinking all afternoon about my old relationships and how it all started fruitful and ended dreadful (i believe that no matter how clean you end up a relationship, it's still awful.).
And then so it led me comparing my life today on the life I had during my love struck days. Was it all different? No. Well, without all bitterness now I say yes, I just said no to prove myself a solitary life is better. Can be, but not everyday. Depends on people really.
Now back with the uncertainty. I think the only difference is that I was with someone then. Work is all the same, friends are all the same, and every day’s the same, just minus the person I was with. And you could still add up the quarrels and headaches. After a fight or misunderstanding, an early day is over for you. Nothing and no one can perk you up but him and him alone.
And if one’s life is fabulous being single and we mess up in relationships, why do we need one? Why do we need relationships?
These past weeks I’ve caught myself back again in the dating scene. One week after another, one person after the other. Meet ups are fine, conversations went well, and I say it’s all smooth and nice. We still exchange messages and calls from time to time, until they blew me big time. All three persons asked for a special relationship, I turned down the offers, on the spot. Am I playing hard to get? Nah. Am I looking for some sparks at the start as a sign? Maybe. Don’t I like them? Actually I did liked them, each has it’s own jerk to me. Then again I declined the proposals. I guess it’s me. Perhaps after years of being single, I got used to it. So much used to it conceivably I don’t know how to start a relationship anymore. I may be afraid of starting again. Maybe I’m still not in love. And then maybe, I don’t know how to be in love to any further extent.
Next month there’d be two more; I don’t know what I’m up to here. Makes me excited, makes me lonesome too. Tough luck.

jan's blah blah @ 10:48 PM

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Tuesday, March 08, 2005

magic to my delight
with nothing to do on a Monday night i forced the TV to accompany me to boredom. on surfing channels i ended up watching a replay episode of Charmed. i say i was once a fan of the said series, religiously watching episode after episode every week and even imagining being one of the charmed ones, but having all their powers at the same time. that may be silly but isn’t that the coolest? i mean if i have that kind of magical powers i’ll have the luxury of everything, favorably, minus the responsibilities. but screw the task; i’m magical!
i wonder then, if i was a charming upshot of supernatural parents of the 20th century, will i be the same me today? i'm not sure. i don’t want to be the infamous Harry Potter though, i might lose my magic wand. i’d prefer to be exactly like the Halliwells, with powers not known to humans but a cause of ass panic to demons.
i can do anything i want, well, almost. i could easily vanish my freaking loud neighbor; dominate my obnoxious boss; or cast a heavy-handed love spell for 24 hours to my crush-of-the-day, just to get what i need you know. all right then, i can’t just do that. but hey, this is my part of the fantasy okay?
if only my uncanny magic could save the world from ill-mannered individuals. yes there are the filthy government officials and the unproductive men and women we all know and hate. but aside from them, there are more. those sick people you get close everyday: the attractive guy in front of you at a queue you’re in who denied his multiple-but-soundless farts by covering his nose with his hand and then offensively stares at you, the music lover beside you inside the MRT or FX who recklessly sings his LSS aloud, the mad chatterer who speaks in English complete with the accent but says “you know what? i think i accidentally missed called you.” HA? OKAY KA LANG?
well of course like just everybody i am not perfect, i also have missteps. but don’t forget, we’re still in my fantasy.
okay now i get the picture. maybe that’s why having magical powers can only be a daydream to me, or else there’d be less humans today. still i think my goal of selective extermination can be of great help to mankind.
you owe it to God you know. thank Him for not letting me be a charmed one.
and hey, i just gave you one good reason to pray. see i told you i’m helpful.

jan's blah blah @ 1:24 AM

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Sunday, March 06, 2005

"tapsilog nga dalawa, tsaka pitong tulog."
sa kawalan ng magawa sa umaga (good morning boredom!)...

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...'eto ang trip ng mga kulang sa tulog (singing "we can win with Joy in our hearts, deep deep down in our hearts")...

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...nawa'y mapatawad nyo kme ni rocel (God save the babies).

jan's blah blah @ 9:26 AM

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